Anger
What is anger?
Anger is an emotion we all experience and exists on a spectrum from mild irritation to rage.
Anger isn’t a ‘bad’ emotion in itself. It has an important function – anger helps us organise our psychological resources to promote justice, remedy grievances, and protect ourselves and those we care about from harm. It consists of a coordinated pattern of beliefs, behaviours, physical changes and attention processes.
Some people can find themselves overwhelmed and preoccupied by minor frustrations, which can negatively impact their quality of life. When anger feels out of control, psychological treatment can help you manage it.
Anger and our expectations
Expectations are of central importance in the anger experience.
We become angry when:
- we believe we have been treated unreasonably or criticised unfairly
- people break one of our “rules”.
Our body gets us ready for confrontation. Without needing to think, we change our facial expression. Our body prepares us for the possibility of physical confrontation, with responses such as body tension, breathing changes and a faster heart rate.
Our awareness of injustice can become more generalised, so we notice a wider range of irritations and frustrations. All of a sudden, we lose faith in humanity and everyone seems unbearable.
Buddha reportedly said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else. You are the one who gets burned.”
Problematic levels of anger can:
- harm our relationships
- damage our reputation
- isolate us
- lead to legal complications in some cases.
How we can help you manage anger
The good news is that anger can be managed and all of our clinical psychologists have considerable experience helping people to manage anger.
Managing anger involves identifying the factors behind it and developing strategies to counter them.
This includes identifying belief systems that maintain unhelpful levels of anger, with “should” beliefs being central.
“Should” beliefs are inflexible rules for living that someone develops across their life. They become embedded and often go unnoticed until we’re confronted by something that contradicts our sense of how things “should” be done.
Examples include:
fellow drivers should give me a wave when I let them in
people should acknowledge the efforts I made
she shouldn’t allow her children to be so disruptive in this cafe.
Expecting others to share our values is both unrealistic and unhelpful. Identifying and challenging “should” beliefs is an important strategy for tempering anger.
We use a range of evidence-based therapies to help shed light on your anger and gain greater control over your response to it:
Relaxation techniques such as slow breathing and progressive muscle relaxation can help counteract the physical aspect of anger.
Mindfulness techniques can promote greater acceptance and tolerance of the frustrations that lead to anger. Mindfulness increases your awareness of the anger experience and allows you to see a broader range of possible responses to situations. It promotes compassion towards others and yourself – in direct contradiction to anger.
Finally, improving your ability to communicate your preferences and needs can help to reduce anger. Enhancing your capacity to behave assertively by expressing your concerns and asking for practical change calmly and clearly, can make you less susceptible to anger.